We went to a new church this morning...All I can say is wow. Not only was it like a freaking rock concert where everyone was possessed..there were 17 people on stage. Okay, I understand 6 or 7..but 17? Seriously? And then we were shown where to sit. Fine, I get that. But to tell us that we need to sit in the back because we have a baby? Way to separate us from everyone else. Then..to top everything off, I had a lady turn around and tell me that it wasn't appropriate for me to feed my hungry child in church. Wait- wasn't that a coffee cup that I saw in her hand? For one, you couldn't see anything when Ivan was eating. I hate putting a blanket over him, but I did. Second- even if you could see something....IT'S WHAT BOOBS ARE FOR!!! And third...Screw you, you meddling old woman. I was sitting in the row behind you- why are you even looking back here?

You know when everything is going perfectly- when the house is clean, the baby is sleeping through the night, and it just all seems so great? You know the feeling after everything is perfect- when the world crashes down around you? When you realized that everything really isn't perfect, that all you've done is shove everything in the back of your mind, tried to cover it up, and made new memories in order to really bury it? But then...you also realize that it isn't working. It never worked, you just pretended that it did...that way no one sees you crumble?

Okay, I know that I've said I've forgiven a certain someone. Well, I have..but I haven't forgotten. I've tried to, but I CAN'T DO IT! I'm feeling super over emotional about all of this. Ivan is a dream, but some days, even when he's being an angel, I find myself breaking down. I'll cry and cry and cry for no reason. He didn't have any health issues when he was born like so many other babies that I know. He wasn't a preemie. I didn't have an awful labor to end up with a c-section. I mean, I did end up with a cesarean, but I didn't have a bad hospital stay or anything.

Why haven't I been able to hold it all together like this great lady I know named Christian Bryant?!
Christin- I'm not meaning to call you out...but seriously girl! You've had a smile on your face through everything with Cohen being born so early, and you're just so freaking strong...I'm jealous.

I want to curl up in a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good book..but then I remember that my water heater sucks, and I can't fill the tub enough in order to have a good bath. I haven't found a good book in a long time. Oh well.

A lot has happened this past week. Not really, but who cares?
We made the switch to cloth diapers. We're currently using prefolds, Thirsties covers, and Flips by BumGenius. I REALLY want some pocket dipes though...Maybe next pay period :)

I am EXHAUSTED like it's going out of style. My house is a total disaster, because all I want to do is sleep. When I'm up during the day, I'm entertaining Ivan, and when he naps..so do I. That means that nothing gets done around here...Ugh. Will someone clean my house? I'll watch your kids.

A new cookbook...

I got a new cookbook when I turned 20, back in March. It's Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Tonight I used it for the first time. I made Pâté de Canard en Croûte, but without the crust..I'm not sure what that translates to in French, though. I was TERRIFIED of the whole removing the bones from the duck, but I did it, and hubby plus a few frieneds really seemed to enjoy it. I doubt I'll ever make it again, though. It was a great learning experience, no matter how hard it was for me.

Today and tonight Ivan has been rough. Usually he's been asleep for about 2 hours by now, but he's been up and down fussing all night. He's teething, but won't use a teething ring, pacifier, or anything...I hate it for him, because I know he's in so much pain, but Orajel and Tylenol aren't doing anything for the poor guy. I know he's hurting, but I can only take so much. I'm exhausted to start with, and he just cries and cries and cries...I can't do it anymore.

Duck Day.

This Thanksgiving isn't going to be a Turkey Day in our house, because I'm cooking duck. Yes, duck. At first it was just going to be the 3 of us for our first little Thanksgiving with a baby, but now we're thinking we're going to invite a couple of people over so that I don't have leftovers sitting in my fridge for a week like last year.

Walmart has these delicious smelling candles...they're the Walmart brand, but you can actually smell them. I've tried a dozen different scents from there, and none of them really "smell." Vanilla is our winner. It's like walking through a house that had yummy cupcakes in the oven, only I don't have to go through the whole baking process, I just pull out my lighter and voila!

I'm tired of being the "bad person" when it comes to saying no about things. I usually try to be very friendly until you cross me, and then I more than likely won't give you a second glance. This is where my downfall is...and why I have zero friends up here. I have plenty of acquaintances up here, just not friends. I can't stand it when people are on their high horse, thinking that they can't be knocked down..because that just gives me a reason to shoot your horse. I hate it that it's like that..but it is what it is. I will shoot your horse in the knees, just to watch you fall down. Hah.

Hurt..again.

It seems like all I ever do is get hurt. Yesterday I went to get my Implanon taken out, because I got a migrane about a week after I got it, and it never went away. They started with one cut and couldn't remove it, so then they sliced open the other end..that didn't work, so they made the first cut longer, and that didn't work, so they made the second one longer...then it finally popped out. Ow. At least I got 3 shots of Lidocaine!
Today we went to the dog park again. As some of you know, I had both of the nails on my big toes removed. My left toe is still pretty tender because I had it done recently..well, an American Bulldog freaking stomped it while we were there, putting a hole in my nail bed, thus making it bleed like crazy. Oh, and it hurt. Really bad.

I was also told today that someone Luke works with asked if I had ever written a blog about him, which I hadn't, as I usually blog about other things- like demanding people, people who try to tell me how to raise my child, chicks with giant boobs that hang out everywhere, and Luke- the loooove of my life. But, tonight is a special night. John Hendricks, this is for you. Thanks for going shopping with me, and putting Ivan down to sleep that night, because I needed to get out of the house, and I was at my wits end with the baby. So, I raise my glass of Hawaiian Punch to you.

Dog parks and landfills...

I went to a meetup today with a group called "Sound Parenting." They're all attachment parents, who breastfeed, cloth diaper, and things like that. Well, I don't cloth diaper, but Ivan is on the boob! I put on my big girl panties and walked into the group with my head held high, which is a big step for me. I'm terrified of going into groups when I don't know anyone, but they were all pretty nice. Ivan was fussy most of the time, and the only way that he would calm down is if he was eating, so that's about all he did.
We think the little booger is teething, and that's why he's so fussy, but we're not sure. Got some baby orajel tonight, so maybe that'll help a little bit. He doesn't like chewing on things, though. If it's not a boob, he doesn't want it in his mouth...we'll see how I hold up through it all.

Right now, Luke is holding the baby and they both look so content. Well, I can't see Ivan's face, but he's not screaming, and he's sitting relatively still, so I'm going to assume that he's also happy. He won't calm down for me when we're trying to put him down, so I usually just let Luke have that job! I've been so blessed with a great husband who helps out so much with the baby. I know I could've ended up with some deadbeat who doesn't do anything to help out. I mean...it would be nice to have some help with the laundry every now and then *coughcough* but I'm making it perfectly fine. I love seeing the two of them together, even when Ivan is screaming and hubby has the look on his face saying "please take him, I don't know what to do."



I need to find a new highchair for the little one. We've got one that we got at a consignment store before Ivan was born, but I was looking at it the other day, and it doesn't have the harness straps. I'm going to take it back down there to see if they'll buy it back, and then we can save up for a good one...maybe even one that matches his stroller and car seat!

There's also a new dog park that just opened up about 5 miles (if even that) away from our house. It's nice being able to take Wrinkles there- he played a lot with a GIANT Great Dane today. He really seems to like it, and it's good that we're able to just let him run around..but I can't take him alone, because I can't chase him while I'm also wearing the baby! The only bad thing about that park is that it's on top of the old landfill..which mean it stinks. It really stinks.

I hope everyone has a great and blessed week, it's time for me to go snuggle with my honey!

Let's be clear on something...

I want to be very clear with everyone on a few things.

1. When my child gets teeth he will not be switched to formula. I don't care if that's what you did with your kid, but I'm not doing it with mine. He might bite a few times, but it won't kill me. I'll continue doing what's best for him.
2. If you don't like my cooking, keep your mouth shut and don't eat it. I'm trying to be nice by cooking for you so that you don't have to, and I don't care if I couldn't add one TINY ingredient since my dispenser was broken and I didn't have another. The food was still good to everyone except for you.
3. Stop being so flipping demanding, otherwise you will never be around me or my child again. It doesn't matter if you don't realize that you're doing it. You are, and both my husband and I have noticed it multiple times. I won't have it in my house or around my child.

I've also had a few people come to me privately wondering if I circumcised my son or not, and then giving me shit when I told them that I didn't. Why are you so worried about it? It's very scary that you're that wrapped up in what the penis of a 3 month old looks like. By the way: that isn't something for me to take from him. If he wants to have it done when he's 18, then by all means he can. But right now, that isn't my choice. I'm not going to take something of his and not give him any choice in the matter.

I'm raising an intact, breastfeeding, sling riding, bed sharing, happy baby boy.