This morning started out great. And by great I mean that Luke called me at 4 am to tell me good morning and that he loves me. I was half awake all night- kinda sleepy and then wide awake on and off all but about an hour and a half where I was completely out. It was nice being woken up from what sleep I got to hear his voice.

The rest of the day...not so good. I managed to make it to Walmart to get some things to make oatmeal-choc chip cookies for his bday, I went to the post office to send off my mothers day boxes, and I dropped a bag off at Goodwill. During all of this though all I could think about was the mouse that's downstairs somewhere. I can't kill the poor thing so when he ran and hid this morning I figured he'd left..until I got home this afternoon- and there he was. He didn't even do anything and I freaked out, yelling at him, running after him- trying to chase him out..it didn't work. That caused panic attack number one.

I hardly ever have complete meltdowns these days. I guess me being totally overwhelmed and stressed plus having a mouse downstairs just got to me. I finally calmed down enough to attempt to knit..it didn't work. I tried and tried and tried..nothing helped out the situation.

Went to the mall with Ashley to pick up my ring, started getting shaky on the way back to her place, and I knew it was on again. Dropped her off, and then it started to hit me. I've still gotta organize the baby room. I've gotta clean the downstairs before my brother gets here, I need to bake cookies for Luke, I really need to clean the floors before the baby comes, I need Luke to come home, there's a mouse downstairs...everything rolled into one giant ball of irritation smacked me in the face full force when I got home.

Ladies, don't take things out on your husbands or boyfriends- whatever they are- if it's not his fault. Even if it is his fault, don't take it out on him. I turned into this evil, vicious woman that I swore I would never be..but I was her for 10 minutes- until the tears came. I cried because I couldn't knit. I cried because the stupid blinds in the living room are stuck and won't come down. I cried because I miss him- and I cried because I just want to be a normal, happy, calm person. I haven't been normal in over 5 years.

I really didn't mean to be mean to you honey- especially about the stupid diet. I love you, more than anything in the whole world. You'll always be my Shmallow Breath.