You know when everything is going perfectly- when the house is clean, the baby is sleeping through the night, and it just all seems so great? You know the feeling after everything is perfect- when the world crashes down around you? When you realized that everything really isn't perfect, that all you've done is shove everything in the back of your mind, tried to cover it up, and made new memories in order to really bury it? But then...you also realize that it isn't working. It never worked, you just pretended that it did...that way no one sees you crumble?

Okay, I know that I've said I've forgiven a certain someone. Well, I have..but I haven't forgotten. I've tried to, but I CAN'T DO IT! I'm feeling super over emotional about all of this. Ivan is a dream, but some days, even when he's being an angel, I find myself breaking down. I'll cry and cry and cry for no reason. He didn't have any health issues when he was born like so many other babies that I know. He wasn't a preemie. I didn't have an awful labor to end up with a c-section. I mean, I did end up with a cesarean, but I didn't have a bad hospital stay or anything.

Why haven't I been able to hold it all together like this great lady I know named Christian Bryant?!
Christin- I'm not meaning to call you out...but seriously girl! You've had a smile on your face through everything with Cohen being born so early, and you're just so freaking strong...I'm jealous.

I want to curl up in a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good book..but then I remember that my water heater sucks, and I can't fill the tub enough in order to have a good bath. I haven't found a good book in a long time. Oh well.